This note is nowhere near eloquent. It is basically just a jumble of my thoughts that I need to spatter onto a page and ask you, my wise and intelligent friends, to unscramble. (This post was originally posted as a Facebook note, so all comments are on there, lol.)
My husband has gone out to the woods for the entire afternoon to pray out loud and journal and read his Bible and just listen to what God has to say to him. He's done that for a few days every month since we've been married. He really senses the Holy Spirit when he's out in nature. The woods in November are not really my thing--but I think it's awesome when he takes his days off to spend the entire time with God. So while he does that, I sit here with a cup of coffee and my snuggly kitties under a blanket. I've cracked open my Bible to see what God has to say. Interestingly enough, today in my devotions, I came across this AWESOME quote:
“Our deepest calling is not to grow in our knowledge of God. It is to make disciples. Our knowledge will grow -- the Holy Spirit, Jesus promised, will guide us into all truth. But that's not our calling, it is His. Our calling is to prepare the world for Christ's return. The world is not ready yet. And so, we go about introducing a dying world to the Savior of Life. Anything we do toward our own growth must be toward that end.”
He is referring to Jesus' last words in Matthew 28:19-20 when he tells us "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
What do you think? Do you think we focus too much on ourselves when there is a dying and hurting world out there? I mean, what about our own spiritual lives and our own spiritual development and everything we still have to learn about who God is and how he wants us to live? I know that Michael's time in the woods is SO vital for him in ministry and my time alone just listening to God empowers and heals my heart. Sometimes I think about church and small groups and youth groups and even just our groups of friends hanging out--I love the community and I love going to church and feeling FILLED and growing deeper in my walk with God. But I'm wondering if this guy has something here: that our deepest calling isn't to grow in our knowledge and relationship with God, but to make disciples, and while we are making disciples, through the power of his Holy Spirit, we grow in our love and knowledge of him. WOW. Our deepest calling isn't to grow in our knowledge of God? Like, that shouldn't be our ultimate goal? That is an off-the-wall radical thing to say, but then, it really might be true. I'm starting to think it might almost be dangerous to be so focused on ourselves ALL THE TIME, but then again, I feel so broken and incapable myself, I can't see how I could ever obey Jesus' last command to witness. But then I remember, that God's power is made perfect in weakness. Sooooooooo even when I feel incapable of "making disciples" I should obey anyways, even if I feel like I don't know enough about God? I think the answer is "yes" and that scares me.
And while I have your attention, what do you think about the Holy Spirit? We are doing a study with the high school girls' small group on Francis Chan's most recent book, Forgotten God, about how we really have forgotten about the Holy Spirit's role in the church, ministry, and our lives today. What do you think about this? I couldn't agree more.
HOWEVER, I think all of us have misconstrued accounts of what it means to be "filled with the Holy Spirit." I think that each of us have to sense different things in order to feel like the Holy Spirit is really present. And on top of that, I think that each of us (myself included) struggle with what I would call "spiritual arrogance" by thinking we can judge whether or not the Holy Spirit is working or present based on our own biases and feelings. For example, it is widely known that I hate techno music. It's probably the only kind of music I truly hate. I hate it when they try to turn really good songs into techno, because I feel like it ruins them. So how would I respond to a church that did techo praise and worship? Ummm prolly not so well. :-) Would I "sense" the Holy Spirit because it didn't speak to me in the way that I really like--through contemporary praise and worship music...or maybe just some quiet, darkness, and a few candles? Does that mean the Holy Spirit isn't there?
What about those Christian athletes who say that when they play their sport, it is an act of worship to God? Is the Holy Spirit present there? YES. Even if it doesn't give me goosebumps and make me emotional and give me a sense that I "feel" closer to God while I watch them play with some dumb ball.
What about when Michael goes out to the woods to spend an afternoon with God in the freezing cold November air? Is the Holy Spirit present there? Yes.
What about Christian comedians who do their acts as their own form of worshipping God with their gifts. Is the Holy Spirit there? Yes.
Okay then. What about when we just do things that are a whole lot of fun...like this upcoming weekend, when Hannah, Sharon, Candi, and I will take the girls (some of you girls are reading this!) down to Polaris for shopping and a movie...where we will all be loving each other and spending time together, not necessarily doing spiritual things, but loving each other and eating popcorn and movie theater candy. Is the Holy Spirit there? I think so.
What about at youth group, when we play stupid games and have conversations and hang out and eat before and just spend time together, is the Holy Spirit present? I'm talking before we even have a lesson or formal worship time. Or do we have to be deep in thought with tears rolling down our cheeks in order to sense his presence?
I just don't know. I think that the Holy Spirit can be anywhere. I think when people take time to pray over something, the Holy Spirit will come. I think if I pray before I read my Bible that the Holy Spirit would guide me, he really does. But similarly, I think that if a Christian comedian prays before his comedy act for the Holy Spirit's presence, he will be there in the laughter, even if no one is crying or feeling goosebumps or "sensing" His presence. Am I wrong? If so, somebody please tell me.
Emotions do not equal Holy Spirit. Similarly, lack of emotions does not equal lack of Holy Spirit. Some of us are emotional and feel things through our emotions (MEEEEE!) but some of us are not. Is someone who is crying during worship worshipping more than someone who is just standing there singing the words? How can we know that or even TRY to judge something like that??? Yet we do.
So let me finish this equation. Emotions do not equal Holy Spirit. Lack of emotions do not equal lack of Holy Spirit. We can't judge the presence of the Holy Spririt through the lens of our own preferences. Therefore, the Holy Spirit could be present in techno music. The Holy Spirit cannot be put into a box. That is what I need to learn.
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