Growing Up...

I love it when, even in the midst of trials--whether big or the day-to-day things, I can actually SEE in my actions, the result of trials producing maturity and completeness. Being a pastor's wife is hard. But it is so amazing how God is molding me (and Michael, for that matter) like gold in a refining fire, and I am amazed at the power of God (because this strength certainly doesn't come from myself!) in me during trials. If I reflect on last summer or even a few years ago when Michael and I first started in ministry together, I would have absolute MELTDOWNS about things: conflicts, changes, uncertainties. It's almost embarassing how much anxiety these things caused; I knew it was bad when I was at the doctor (just the plain ol' family doctor) last year and she asked me point blank if I wanted something for my anxiety. And anxiety it may have been...but mixed carefully with a huge dose of spiritual warfare. I am not exaggerating when I say I was having MELTDOWNS. Ugh. I am so weak.

And yet, when I realize, in retrospect that I use that word to describe my initial reaction to the trials of life in ministry, it JUST popped in my head that gold gets "melted down" in order to be purified.

And I still have lots of impurities and bad branches on my vine that need to be pruned (and so does my wonderful husband), but I am AMAZED at how much better I handle stress and uncertainty than I did even a year ago. I am amazed at how much I have grown up and learned to be an adult. What a rich thing to gain from trials. Thanks, God.

I will end with this:

"Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; for I trust in You"
Psalm 143:8

"Listen to me, victims of mistreatment. More importantly, please listen to God's truth. He has a hundred different messages to give you during a hundred different dungeon experiences. He knows just the right message at just the right time, and all it takes to receive it is a sensitive, obedient, trusting heart. Not one that is preoccupied with revenge or bitterness or hostility, but a heart that says, "Lord, God, help me right now. Right at this moment. Deliver me from my own prison. Help me to see beyond the darkness, to see Your hand. As I am being crushed, remold me. Help me to see You in this....."
Pray that prayer. Turn your trial into trust as you look to God to tenderly use that affliction, that dungeon, that abandonment for His purpose....
In the midst of all this, remember, God has not abandoned you. He has not forgotten you. He never left. He understands the heartache."

Wisdom for the Way
Charles Swindoll